If you're reading this---
by K4r3z43vs
Summary: DavexJade that is for once not a lemon! haha...
1. Chapter 1

(-I apologize...)

It all started with with a talk show, looking back it's hard to say if it could really be called coincidence. I was up first, nothing crazy, just a fluffy, ten minute interview on my recent discoveries in astrophysics and the accompanying Nobel Peace Prize. By that time I had not yet become used to so much media attention, I remember awkwardly shuffling my feet as some assistant makeup artist dabbed unknown substances all over my face. I felt like a fish out of water, the noodly nerd girl being prepared for national television. A place that was certainly not as harrowing as where I'd been before, but altogether different and a bit nerve-wracking. I also remember the fuss and chaos that went on around me as the crew frantically tried to get touch with guest number two. They had not yet arrived, five minutes to show time. The production manager looked like he was about to cry. If I had just taken one look at the program, I would have known they had nothing to be concerned over. Yet, I remained ignorant right up until the about nine minutes into my own interview.

I was just wrapping up my layman's explanation of black holes as a power source, when an arm curled around my shoulder. I knew who it was, the scent of his skin had always been distinctive even now as it was a bit muddied by the heavy smell of tobacco. He hadn't changed much since our sburb days, maybe a bit taller more, more filled out in the shoulders, but he still seemed to have a penchant for tight jeans and the color red and of course who could forget those signature shades.

"sorry for the interruption," he had said casually to the host, "but I couldn't stand to miss saying hi to an old friend." Even now I couldn't say if that moment was staged, but no one stopped him. You know the way he is, when he opens his mouth people tend to listen. "also, it would be pretty freaking cold of me if I didn't ask her if she would like to come to the premiere of what is sure to be this millennium's most critically acclaimed blockbuster "

I'll admit I was less than poised. My exact words escape me, but they were probably something like "deerrrrr oh hi dave why are you here- I like movies yeahhh movies :B". From that point onward the talk show continued, though I didn't say much else, lost in the lights and the laughter and the fact that he wouldn't let go of my hand.

However, the moment we stepped offstage words came easily, I laughed, hugged him asked how he'd been and that point, I would say, is when some of the happiest days of my life began.

After SBAHJ hit big he could do no wrong in Hollywood and with that came an enormous amount of tabloid speculation as to the nature of our relationship. He was infamously good at dodging these questions in interviews. But it was okay, I knew exactly what was going on between us. Not a single public event went by that I didn't attend on his arm, of course I had my own important things to appear at too and he was always happy to oblige. Though he never failed to colorfully enhance the evening with his own dialogue, I spent many an international science gathering trying not to crack to pieces at some quip about one of my colleague's unfortunate ear hair, though the denizens of entertainment industry were met with the same witty irreverence. He always knew the right thing to say to make me laugh, while he said that I always knew exactly how to be "completely fucking awesome and adorable at all times" and to "keep his asshatery in check". I was never really sure what he meant, but, if we were together, it was always fun.

And this did not apply to just to public events! As time went by, I spent fewer and fewer nights at home. It started as kind of a joke, I would text him, asking where he was and then appear somewhere and try to surprise him. But once I was there one thing always lead to another and- well I won't go into detail because that would be embarrassing! But, lets just say that when you can go from one coast to another in the blink of an eye, it's really hard to stay away from a place that you really want to be. I slept over at his place nearly every night, and left only reluctantly in the morning.

I was so happy the day that he drowsily grabbed my hand as I got up to go.

"move in with me..." he had mumbled, his white gold hair all tousled, bare shoulder poking out of the sheets, his face still buried in the pillow.

"what?" for a moment I had thought I misheard.

"i said", he responded, pulling me back down, whispering right into my ear so there could be no mistake, "move in with me and never leave".

I was so happy. Our stuff was comfortably consolidated within the afternoon and people began to marvel at the way I attended to my experiments in upstate New York while seeming to carry on out a completely different life wherever he happened to be living.

Now it seems dumb how happy I was through it all, how unbreakable I thought we were. I mean I really was nervous the day I bought the test, I mean I know that anyone would call it a no-brainer, but I- no we, had always sort-of assumed that we were different from regular humans, that those sorts of rules didn't apply. When if came back positive I was terrified, about how my life would change, about how well suited I was to being a parent, about what kind of issues our child might have, but not for one second did I think it would make him run away.

The day I told him he didn't seem all that surprised or worried or disgusted or whatever feeling causes someone to simply walk out on a relationship. He told me that he though I'd be a great mother, that our child would have everything he needed grow up happily, he soothed my fears, kissed me on the forehead and I fell asleep in his arms, looking forward to the life that we would lead together, the three of us. Though I realized, when I woke to an empty apartment, that I had been asking the wrong questions. He hadn't outright lied to me, maybe he did think I would be a good mother, and I do have so many people who insist on watching over me. But- I had never once asked if he would stay by my side.

And now I'm crying like an idiot when everyone says I should be angry, that I should write him off and start stringing my life back together. But the truth is, even though I know I can plainly see that I was used, that I have every right to track him down and and make him wish he was never born or curse his name to the ends of the universe, I can't. We haven't met yet, but I couldn't let my baby start it's life with a mother weighed down by resentment at their very existence. I don't want to be weighed down with it either! But maybe, its becasue I still don't believe that he's gone. Sometimes, I think to myself when everyone has gone quiet, that maybe he left for a reason. Maybe one day I'll turn a corner or answer the door and he'll be right there with flowers and a ring and a "sorry babe, but i had some stuff to take care of".

((Omg every-time I review this a find another ridiculous typo... and yeah I am sorry for this piece it, it is completely out left field and retarded but yeah XD))


	2. Chapter 2

It's the same scene, the sky is red-orange as another day is either starting or ending. The adrenaline running through my veins won't let me stop to figure that out. I can't even think of something clever to cover up by desperation as I lean on the railing again, sick to my stomach, Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck- being the oh so eloquent words running through my head. Congratulations jackass you just failed again, now shut the fuck up and wait for the scene to play out.

I take one deep breath and as ridiculous as it is, I tell myself for one split second that this time it COULD be different. Maybe this time the forces I've had mastery over my whole life will start working for me again. But then again, this moment is me realizing that they were never really working for me to begin with.

I turn to look at her. It's just the same as every other time; her eyes are turned upward, fixed on the spot of emptiness where she sees my face. The moment is frozen, but the white on her knuckles and and angle of her chin remind me that she's trembling, terrified. My stomach turns because I knows that it's my fault.

I'm a mess, but as always it's not the inside, so that at any time I feel like I'm going to burst, spilling whatever nasty stuff I'm made of all over this perfectly good rooftop garden. I could go back again I think, I could really try to convince myself this time. Tell him again and again punch him in the face, buy him a goddamn pack of condoms. Buy him 500.

It's all pretty hilarious, except, I've already done those things in a million different ways and every time I've watched things fall apart. H I can't blame him for not listening, he's too fucked up himself, too close to the edge. He needs her, more than anything he's ever needed anything else. And, god dammit, it's still the case. But she never needed him, or at least never should have.

But for some reason she sought him out, tied him down, sucked all the poison from his life. Whenever things were too much to bear she would appear, with a kind smile, or a warm embrace and just the right words to make him see something new. Even when words became too weak to keep his demons a bay, she was there with the most potent of distractions. And what could he give her in return? All he had to offer was the material, the tangible. Communicating the depth of his emotion was completely impossible, but even then she knew. When others might have felt used, held at arms length, she knew. Somehow she knew that he loved her more than anything else, not matter how hard he couldn't help but hide it. She must have known, why else would she have stayed with a loser like him? With a loser like me.

"jade..." I whisper her name under my breath and walk over to where she stands. I have to touch her, it doesn't make a difference but just like any addict I can't stop myself. I bury my head in the nook between her neck and her shoulder. She's stiff, even her hair, the absence of time robbing all things of their elasticity; but I can feel the warmth of her skin, smell the musk of her scent mixed with soap and tears. I imagine the next breath that she'll take and I calm down just a little.

Then I look into her eyes and consider that pleading look, that worry, that need for my acceptance, when I don't even come close to deserving her's. Even then she knew that all this would be hard for me to take, and I can't help but think that I might have found some other "good" reason to slink off into the distance. But when that sadistic bitch we call fate spun the wheel of "great exuses that can be used by Dave" she kind-of hit the jackpot.

I've decided to call it a parasite. Yeah, I know it's fucked up, it's a "person" she would tell me. Or so she told me in that one timeline where I suggested that we just get rid of the thing altogether. I've never seen her so angry, who was I to judge what great things they'd accomplish or how much I might grow to love them, she wouldn't back down and in the end it was another failure. And as noble as that intention might be, she doesn't seem to understand that the butterfly effect can fly both ways.

Parasite, I repeat it to myself as I catch the movement in the corner of my eye. A once unexpected invasion of my silent world. Then the echoes of someone's pained sobs are echoing over the landscape. I freeze, trying to cling to the last bits of my sanity and convince myself the the pain in my heart is revulsion. I wish that it would all just go away. The cries continue though and I can do nothing but lift my head slowly and turn toward them.  
She's curled up in the corner of the roof. A girl of about thirteen, she's nursing big bruise on her right forearm and her long hair is falling in her face. I think that her shirt might have been white but it's hard to tell becasue that shirt is soaked to the sleeves in fresh blood. It's running down her arms and is splashed across her face and dripping from the palms of her hands. I can smell the iron in the air.  
Something about the figure still makes me feel like I should go to it. She's so pitiful and when she looks up, recognition glows in her eyes and she falls silent. And though I'd never met this person in my life, I know exactly who she is; sharp green eyes just like her mother's but with my lanky bone structure, time powers, even the sound of her voice seemed so familiar in that first moment. And even at present, even as I have tried so many times to erase her, I can't let her just sit there and cry, covered in blood.  
Just like a parasite, I tell myself becasue that blood isn't hers.

She flies at me like there is no question in her mind that I offer anything but unconditional protection. The sobs start again as she squeezes me too tightly, the metallic smell of blood making me nauseous.

"Dad," she calls me, "Dad, I'm so sorry. It's all me-It's my fault. I killed her! I don't know why but I killed her!" she talks fast when she's upset, apparently.

This time the words wash over me as meaningless noise. Though, as she buries her face into my chest and sobs harder I still wrap my arms around her shoulders. I don't need to say anything but I respond becasue something in me doesn't want anyone to be left hanging, even thought I know the answer.

"who did you kill"

"I-" She can barely get the words out between sobs but eventually she does, "mom- I killed mom." she breaks down, "I stabbed her in the heart."

"why the hell would you do that"

"it was future me... and I don't know" She's crying but my blood is running cold again. "you have to... do something"

I can't say anything more, because she startles and pulls away.

"I-I'm so sorry." she says again, tears rolling down her cheeks, making little stripes in the grime and dried blood that covers her face, she turns as if to run away. That is the last image that I see before I blink and she's gone, leaving me alone in my timeless hell.  
And, it's pretty fucking hilarious because when the love of my life said that she had something she needed to tell me, the first time living through these moments that I would relive so many horrible times. That moment when I just had to grab a moment to keep my cool, right after the first moments of self loathing and before the arrival of my doom, the thing that I realized was how happy I was. How much I couldn't wait to see what our little bastard was going to look like. And now I know, exactly what she looks like, and exactly why she should never have existed.

I tried so hard to maintain our life, to hold onto the status quo and make this all disappear, but this is the moment where I come to the realization that there is only one thing that I can control.

Whether this child knows me enough to call me "dad".

It's the pointless endeavor of a desperate idiot, but what else can I do? Maybe I'll just waste the last years of true happiness that I could have, but maybe, just maybe I could save her life. If that were possible, if I never speak to Jade Harley again and it would be okay.

I look back at her paused face one more time, she's waiting, for my approval, my acceptance and that she will get. But she will only have me until the next morning.

With nothing more than a thought it all disappears. The wind starts blowing again and I pull her into my arms so that she won't see the blood all over my shirt. Her precious blood.

"don't worry, harls, everything is going to be okay" I whisper into her ears.


End file.
